SELF-Authenticity

I was reading in SELF magazine today and found this article to be particularly potent. I hope you enjoy and glean something from it.

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Get Real

How to Be Your Truest Self and Love Your Life

"Authenticity is key to a happy, healthy, more meaningful existence. Just being yourself sounds so easy, yet it's suprisingly hard to do. Here's how to be your truest self every day."
Written by: Marjorie Ingall

A few years ago, I was sitting at a family brunch listening to an elderly relative blithely spout racist and homophobic remarks. The room was so silent, you could have heard a pin drop—a pin I wish I could have poked her with. Was anyone going to challenge her? Apparently not. Should I say something? Because I'd only married into this family, I worried about overstepping. Gently, I offered, "I think you're making some major generalizations…." She glared, and a cousin shot me a silent message: Shut it. I did.

Years later, I still regret not speaking up, and the memory of that moment makes me feel as if I'd betrayed myself. As I discovered, being genuinely authentic—something experts define as knowing who you are and what you value and being true to those things in your daily life—is vital to happiness, as important as forming strong friendships and finding fulfilling work. "Research shows that if you talk about what you believe and identify with what you say, rather than hiding yourself from others, you'll be a happier person," says Kennon Sheldon, Ph.D., professor of psychological sciences at the University of Missouri at Columbia. "To achieve peak happiness—autonomy, competence and relatedness—we have to do what we believe, do it well, keep getting better at it and connect to other people in the process. The surest way to achieve all that is to live authentically," Sheldon explains.

Understanding who you are and feeling confident enough to express your views may also lead to improved health and longevity. "People who score high on measures of authenticity tend to have better resources for dealing with setbacks, feel more secure in their ability to meet life's challenges, form deeper relationships and develop a stronger sense of self-worth," says Brian Goldman, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Clayton State University. They also seem to experience less stress. "Studies suggest that individuals who know themselves well and act on what they know report fewer stress-related symptoms such as headaches, backaches and stomachaches."

But what if who you are defies the expectations of everyone around you? Or what if you have conflicting impulses, as I did that day at brunch—specifically, a desire to avoid a scene versus standing up for what I knew was right? "We all have versions of ourselves that pull us in different directions," says Catherine Birndorf, M.D., a psychiatrist at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center and self's psychology expert. For instance, you may act one way at work and another with friends. (No F-bombs at the staff meeting!) "But if loved ones are pointing out that you're not being yourself on a regular basis"—e.g., you suppress your opinions because you don't want to anger your hotheaded boyfriend—"that's a clue you're not being true to yourself and you should look at that," she says.

Women, in particular, may have a tough time with authenticity. "Marching to your own drummer goes against evolutionary conditioning," says Julie Holland, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. "Women are hardwired to chug along a predetermined path—couple up, have kids," she says. "Plus, most of us are taught that it's more important to fit in than to be authentic to who we are."

Another evolutionary strike against authenticity: "Typically, women tend to be nurturers; we're more attuned to other people's needs," Dr. Birndorf says. "When you're worrying so much about how others are doing, it can be difficult to be aware of what you want, never mind speaking up about it." But if you make no effort to figure out what you want, you're almost certain to disappoint yourself—and be less happy, to boot.

The four keys to living authentically

 

So how do you go about getting real? Goldman says these four factors are critical to finding and projecting who you are.

1. An awareness of what makes you tick That could mean knowing you value the freedom to be creative more than you do having a regular routine, or that you'd rather have a few close confidantes than a wide circle of casual acquaintances. 
2. The ability to gauge your weaknesses Maybe you know you're not the biggest brainiac, but you compensate by being a superstar worker. Or you can acknowledge that you have a habit of telling white lies to make your anecdotes more interesting. 
3. A willingness to act in accordance with your values That might mean speaking up against injustice or refusing to do work that runs counter to your beliefs. 
4. Honest and sincere relationships "Letting people know who you really are, revealing your vulnerabilities as well as your strengths, is key if you want strong, healthy relationships," says Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., author of The How of Happiness. Meaning you need to be able to share all the sides of you, even the ones you're not always proud of. "Honest disclosure helps create closeness, which leads to greater social support and long-term joy," she says.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the more comfortable you are with your beliefs, the easier it will be to stick up for them. "It may be tough to speak out about an issue when you're feeling ambivalent, but once you're clear about what your true feelings are, you'll feel stronger and more able to stay the course," Dr. Birndorf explains.

One surprising factor that might make it easier to be authentic: the economic downturn. "What's happening in the economy is terrifying, yes, but it's also forcing some of us to break down our facades and do a bit of soul searching about who we are and what we want," says Mike Robbins, a life coach and author of Be Yourself: Everyone Else Is Already Taken. "We're trying to define our identity without a job or a 401(k)." That can feel frightening at first, but it's also an opportunity to figure out how to pack more meaning into your day-to-day and connect with others more deeply.

Ready to lead a life you feel good about, from the inside out? Dive in to the following exercises, designed to help you hear your inner voice and heed it, so every day can feel richer, more joy-filled and less stressful, starting right now.

Pinpoint what matters to you

 

Pursuing intrinsic goals—goals motivated by you alone, rather than family, friends or society—will bring you more satisfaction and pleasure than following a path you haven't chosen freely, according to Lyubomirsky. So grab a pen and answer these questions, to hone in on what you value most.

• What makes you happiest? Is it spending time with people you love or solving tough problems? If you're having trouble being specific, "try thinking about words or concepts that feel meaningful, whether that's integrity, ambition, passion, success or connection," Dr. Birndorf suggests. "Ask yourself what defines you, what's most important in your life."

• Next, consider what upsets you most. All the injustice in the world? Feeling disconnected from friends and family?

• What are your deepest fears? That you'll become homeless? Never having the adventures you've dreamed of?

• What gifts do you want to share? Are you a genius at bringing people together? Do you have a yen to write poetry?

If it's difficult to zero in on what you truly value, ask yourself this question: "If today were my last day on earth, what would I do?" This exercise should help you target what really resonates with you, whether it's leading a life that's endlessly stimulating or enjoying well-loved rituals with family close at hand. Once you've achieved this self-awareness, you'll be better equipped to choose friends and a partner who share your values, find a career and hobbies that thrill you and build a life you love.

Know your weaknesses

 

It's not enough to know what you care about. You also need to be aware of your strengths and where you fall short so you can choose realistic goals that will ultimately feel satisfying. To see if you're a master of unbiased processing—the ability to view yourself objectively, warts and all—try to recall…

• A time you ignored your gut. Ever hooked up with an ex against your better judgment, then felt (predictably) regretful? Next time, pause when you get that initial sinking feeling. "Often, when you're not paying attention to your inner voice, you'll experience a variety of physical sensations—aches and pains or a pounding heart," Dr. Birndorf says. "Take note, then ask yourself, Am I listening to my internal compass?"

• A time you tried to whitewash one of your flaws. Maybe deep down, you know you're an ace procrastinator, but somehow, you always find an excuse for why things don't get done. (No time!) "None of us is perfect," Dr. Birndorf says. "By accepting the various shades of gray, you'll have a clearer picture of who you are and what you need to do to get what you want."

• A time you blamed someone else for your mistake. ("If you hadn't distracted me, I'd have done a better job!") The point of these questions is not to beat yourself up—you probably do too much of that anyway. "You want to become more aware, a key step in changing any negative behaviors," Dr. Holland says.

I experienced that kind of awareness firsthand, when I landed a coveted producer job at a new, much ballyhooed cable network for women. Many friends and colleagues were envious and told me so. I should have been thrilled, except I hated the work. I found the pace too fast and the treatment of issues superficial; I missed delving deep into research and writing long paragraphs. If I had been honest with myself, I'd have admitted that I was doing something that didn't suit me. But I was too busy forcing myself to put on a happy face to pay attention to what I was feeling—like a fish out of water. Everyone else thought my job was prestigious and cool, so it must be so!

Clearly, I was ignoring the first tenet of authenticity: being aware of what made me tick. I also wasn't paying attention to what I knew about my strengths and weaknesses (the second tenet).

Then I got promoted: The big bosses wanted me to manage the other writers. Given that the only part of the job I enjoyed and valued was the friendships I had made with these writers, the prospect of having to be the one to tell them what to do, cracking the whip and losing those congenial relationships made me feel anxious rather than joyful. My reaction, and the fact that I was finally able to acknowledge it, hammered home how unhappy I was. So I gave notice and returned to magazine writing. And before long, I could breathe again.

Align your values and actions

As for my failure to stand up to my bigoted relative at that long-ago brunch, that broke authenticity tenet number three: I didn't act in a way that was congruent with my values. I've always prided myself on being someone who stands up to oppression. (I write articles in favor of gay marriage and against racism. I bring my kids to political rallies. I watch Jon Stewart!) I'm not saying I should have drowned out her rant by singing 1960s folk songs, but let's be honest: After a feeble protest, I caved. And my silence conveyed the message that this woman's words were acceptable. Maybe if I'd done the following exercise beforehand, I wouldn't have betrayed myself that way.

• Think of a time you didn't act in concert with your values. Next, change the script. What could you have done or said differently? What if you'd said X and she'd said Y? "It's easy to brood over the times we've let ourselves down or blurted out something silly," Dr. Birndorf says. "Instead of replaying these missteps, it's helpful to reimagine how you might have handled things differently so you can do better next time." That doesn't mean envisioning a scene in which you're simply telling the person off. "Being authentic is not about being a jerk—you have to respect where someone else is coming from," Sheldon says. "The best way to be persuasive is to take in someone else's perspective, to say something like, 'You may not see it this way, but here's why I think what I do.' You have to give people the space to have a different opinion."

• Reflect on the possible consequences of your new version. What's the worst that could have happened? Would speaking your mind really have been so catastrophic? When I look back on my relative's tirade and my tepid response, I realize that I could have tried to say something along the lines of "The way you're talking is making me uncomfortable. But we have different views here, so let's change the subject." Even if she lost her temper, no biggie—I'd still look like the reasonable one. Or I could have kept my mouth shut, avoided conflict altogether, then clued in my younger cousins as to how I was feeling later. ("You know it's not right to talk like that, don't you? I wish I'd said something, but I didn't want to embarrass Cousin So-and-So.")

 

Dare to reveal your true self

Perhaps the toughest part of being authentic is owning up to your less than noble emotions (jealousy when a friend announces she's pregnant while you've been fruitlessly trying for years). Why bother? When you allow yourself to be known, you give others the opportunity to reveal themselves as well. That's what brings people closer, a key to happiness.

Consider whether you express your true emotions. Start by asking yourself this question: A friend tells you that she has landed your secret dream job. How do you react to the "good" news?
A With a squeal of joy; you can cry later, when you're alone.
B By saying, "Wow, I've heard they work really long hours there. Forget that vacation you were planning!"
C By telling your friend how proud you are of her and that you know she'll do great in her new gig, but also admitting that you're a little bit jealous of her accomplishment.

If you answered C, congratulations. You're generally able to show your emotions, even when they're not pretty, which means you likely have close bonds. If you answered A or B, you'll be glad to know you have the chance to improve your relationships. "Being your true self doesn't mean obliterating the traits that aren't great," Dr. Birndorf says. "If you're feeling jealous, you don't have to hide it. Coming clean may even help you identify a possible problem before it turns into something huge, and you'll both understand each other better." There is a bonus beyond deepening the friendship: "When you recognize that it's possible to have complex, opposing feelings at the same time, that's a huge emotional victory," Dr. Birndorf says.

As I've gotten older and learned to trust myself, I've had more of those kinds of victories, like when I fell in love with my husband and decided to go live with him, clear across the country. When I told a former boss and mentor about my plans, she was horrified: "My generation did not pave the way for yours so that you could give up and play house!" I had always looked up to this woman, so her negative response made me anxious. I, too, felt worried about not being properly feminist or that I'd feel like a fool if the relationship didn't work out and I ended up slinking home with my tail between my legs.

Yet despite all that, I kept on with my plan. I also vowed to tell people the real reason I was moving (my boyfriend lives in California, and I'm going there to be with him) as opposed to inventing fake reasons for my move (I need a break from New York City). Despite the inevitable criticism, it was easier to tell the truth—even to my mentor—because I knew that my desires were authentic. And although there were no guarantees that things would work out, I wanted to try. In return, I got love and challenges and hot sex and pain and joy and, eventually, beautiful children. But even if my relationship had tanked and I'd moved back alone, I know that taking the risk would have been worth it. I was, after all, following not only my gut but also my heart. You can't get more authentic than that.

Taking the Front Row to Fitness!

I am writing this blog following a 51 minute sweat session, which featured a total body circuit that incorporated strength and cardiovascular training (thank you EA Active) and Zumba. My body is tired, but it hurts so good. I have been looking forward to my workout all day. I am a highly active person with a highly active mind. Relaxation for me generally does not occur by passively sitting, perhaps watching TV or reading a book. I wind down and shake off daily stresses through movement (or a nap, that's the only way I can successfully shut myself down). So, many times exercise is my cure all, and the released endorphins certainly don't hurt. :)

Update! In case you were wondering, back in January I remarked that I was helping my father get back on track with his overall fitness. I am happy to report in the last 2 months, he has dropped 25 pounds!! I would still like to see him exercise a little more. But he's on a great streak, and I am very proud of him.

I also want to alert my readers of a national movement that is afoot, named, "The President's Challenge." For full details, you can visit the link, but here is the nutshell version: The white house, namely Michelle Obama, is extremely interested in the overall physical fitness of America, and not just kids - everyone. Enveloped within the President's Challenge is the Presidential Active Lifestyle Award (PALA) challenge, which calls all adults to "be active 30 minutes a day, at least 5 days a week, for 6 out of 8 weeks." If one completes this regimen, he/she can submit his/her log and receive the PALA (all of this can be done via the website).

Admittedly, the idea of committing to 30 minutes per day, 5 days per week for 6 weeks seems a bit daunting. But the President's Challenge does not seek to turn everyone into a gym buff. Rather, they want you to find the value in everyday activity, however simple or complex. Activity is the state of being active! It doesn't have to include squats, bicep curls, or elliptical machines. Housework, playing with your children, or taking your dog on a walk all count towards the 30 minutes requested. Furthermore, one does not have to complete the 30 minutes in one shot; he/she can spread it out over the course of the day. Certainly, sustained activity is better than quick and/or sporadic; nevertheless, something is always better than nothing.

If you're up for the challenge, I encourage you - give it a go! Even if you are unable to exercise 5 days per week and only average 2-3 times instead, that in and of itself is an achievement and should not be overlooked. In addition, if you would like to partner with my workplace, My Gym, who is an official corporate advocate of this program, we would love to add you to our "roster" of active individuals. You can simply contact me through this blog or via e-mail (mrs.jcook811@gmail.com). I can send you a log sheet, and or you can send me your weekly data. It is a proven fact that one succeeds far better when supported by others; what do you have to lose!?

Whether you join in the President's Challenge or not, to help you on your way, I would recommend a membership to www.myfitnesspal.com. "MyFitnessPal is a diet and fitness community built with one purpose in mind: providing you with the tools and support you need to achieve your weight loss goals." It includes free calorie counters, diet tips, and an exercise log. My sister invited me to join, and I am hooked. Designers make this tool incredibly appealing & convenient by offering mobile apps for the iphone, blackberry, and android. Having your fitness diary at your fingertips makes it easy to track your progress and data.

This week I've been focusing extra on eating right and exercising well. When the whole picture comes together, you can't help but feel great! C'mon friends! Get movin'!

Fashion's Spring Flings

Spring is coming! I feel it in the air as we are teased by temperatures reaching upwards of 45 degrees. A few days here and a few days there get me pumped and ready to bring out some of those items in my closet that have been laying dormant the last few months, just waiting to be paired with the lush greens and pastels of budding spring.

I recently received my latest issue of People StyleWatch, which included a list of "10 Spring Must-Haves!" I thought it may prove fun and beneficial to share it with my readers along with my reactions and comments. So, let's dive right in!

#1 on the list is Bright Colors! At first, I was slightly taken aback by the vivid hues of orange and fuchsia that invaded my retinas as I turned the page of my magazine. I scanned the pages, hoping to find something that struck me or could complement my color palette. I initially came up empty handed, but breathed a sigh of relief when I turned the page and was greeted by deep (yet still vibrant) greens and blues. Such colors are much more personally palatable. Nevertheless, if you are a bit wary of donning an outstanding top or an eyepopping shirt dress, have no fear. Amy Salinger, a fashion expert whom I fancy and who's blog I follow, says, "If you are overwhelmed by the shade or feel that it washes you out, choose accent pieces like a purse or jewelry to stay on trend." Accessorizing boldly is easy and oftentimes more comfortable for those who's tastes are otherwise not quite as loud.

Secondly, spring is asking for Thick Heels. They maintain the polished look while adding a bit more stability. Consequently, while increasing the shoe's versatility, People StyleWatch says they "can go to the office or out to a party."  I have no complaints here!




Stripes make the list next, but in so doing widens its traditionally understood scope by mixing unexpected colors, direction, and styling. Generally, I try to stay away from stripes. My boxy/pear-like shape does not lend itself well to them, especially not wide ones. Nevertheless, a few striped pieces have infiltrated my wardrobe, but of the narrow, tightly stacked or vertical variety. The big appeal this spring is that you can incorporate the aforementioned bright colors with this style option and kill two birds with one stone. Admittedly, it is rather difficult for your mood to remain unaffected when wearing bright coral stripes paired with pink ones or a flirty multicolored skirt.

Up next, Envelope Bags! Now, I am torn about this trend. I think envelope bags are exceedingly chic and fun. However, I am a resourceful woman, and an envelope bag just won't carry what I deem necessary to cart around with me on a daily basis. So, I could see how they would be great for an outing, but on a daily basis, they're not practical for me. Nevertheless, being that they are in and of themselves an accessory, they do offer one the opportunity to incorporate other popular trends in a more understated way, such as bright colors and/or animal prints. Take this silvery reptiled-skinned bag! It would complement just about any outfit and lend it something a little extra due to its exotic nature. Another great feature of many of the envelope bags on the market is that they are not just clutches. They often have a chain strap concealed inside of them that you can implement if you should so desire, which I think just adds to their great appeal. 

I cannot tell you how happy I was when I got to #5, Sleeveless Jackets. If you remember, in "Last Week in Review," I gushed about a fantastic purchase I made with my mother-in-law at Dress Barn. And what did it include? A sleeveless jacket! I cannot wait for warmer weather so I can give mine a go. They can be rather feminine and versatile; they can dress something up or bring it down a notch. They can give off a flirty vibe or a "Let's get down to business," one. Pictured here, Nicole Richie wears a Winter Kate sleeveless jacket. I think she looks great! Due to the military styling, black color, and complementary accessories (bag & sunglasses), her look is well put together. She looks cool and comfortable. I like it!

Somewhat eluded to previously when discussing envelope bags, Snakeskin is being heralded as a popular trend for spring. You can prepare to see it on bags, dresses, scarves, and tops - even on shoes. It adds a unique texture to one's overall look. And, in an "easy, light-weight fabric, a snake print is extra flattering," says People StyleWatch. Just today, I ran into a woman with a fabulous snakeskin printed scarf; indeed, I was envious. I personally do not own anything in this category, but I am more than willing to look. :)

Also hugely popular as we head into a slightly warmer climate is the color White. Celebrities are flocking to this trend and igniting the red carpet while doing so. Like snakeskin and bright colors, you can incorporate whites however you desire.Thankfully, it effortlessly goes with everything, so being fashionable in this way is a no-brainer.

There are two trends that can stand independently or simultaneously if you wish - Peasant Blouses & Floral Prints. Now, I have noticed these two styles creeping in ever so steadily within the last year or so. Peasant blouses are so complimentary to spring due to their airy, comfortable nature. Similarly, floral prints only make sense to couple with spring as mother nature is itself budding with new life. I can certainly see their appeal, but peasant blouses typically do not work with my frame, nor do florals particularly tickle my fancy. But that's what great about popular fashion. You can take it or leave it! If you can rock it, by all means, go for it!

And finally, we end our journey through fashion's spring flings with Bright Gold. Apparently, bold, yellow gold chains are all the rage, "a key accent piece - and they go with everything!" (People StyleWatch). Typically worn as a bracelet or necklace, this trend seeks to bring a bit of luxe or glamor to an otherwise ordinary outfit. As with other styling options, you can't really mess this one up. Either you wear it, or you don't! Personally, I don't have the propensity to wear much yellow gold; I prefer white gold, in which my engagement and wedding bands are cast. It correlates with my previous post, "What Colors to Wear," and the silver and gold test. My natural features pair better with silver than with yellow gold. Nevertheless, yellow gold certainly retains its merit, and I will don a piece or two once in a while. 

So, there you have it! "10 Spring Must-Haves!" Have I inspired you to go shopping? I'd love to see what you buy. I smiled last night as a dear friend showed off her brand new Abercrombie blazer. And last week, I forcibly photoed my brother in his Sunday best, praising him for how great he looked in his ensemble. He told me the only way I can post the picture is if I block out his face. So, Tim, this is me holding up my part of the bargain. I hope you like the alterations.

Readers, I hope springtime treats you well no matter you are wearing. Every year, along with its arrival, it as if everyone gets a sense of re-creation and new birth. So, I wish you all a wonderful season of personal growth in whatever mode you choose to ascend. As my boss has been frequently heard saying recently, "The sky is the limit!"

The 5 W's of Makeup

A few weeks back as I was staring into the mirror, about to add some pizzazz to my natural look, I stopped and thought, "I know why I wear makeup. But I wonder why others do, too." In my experience, if you ask guys what their opinion of makeup on women is, I have found that the general consensus thinks less is more. One guy on girlsaskguys.com put it this way, "It's fine if you use makeup, just don't slather it on. I think the thing you should realize is that, while makeup may make you feel more confident in your looks and can help to hide blemishes or whatever, you look great without makeup. Personally I like girls who don't really wear makeup, but the fact that they wear makeup doesn't change my opinion on them." I thought that was a pretty sound take on the situation.

Nevertheless, I created a poll via some friends on facebook (thank you, ladies) and asked them several simple questions:

1. Do you wear makeup?
2. How often?
3. If infrequently, what prompts you to put it on? (Special occasion, going out, etc.)
4. What do you wear for makeup? (the works - primer, foundation, eye liner, eye shadow, mascara, blush, and lip color; or just ____; or a combo of a few things, but not all).
5. Why do you wear it? (both practically and "impractically" speaking)
6. What makeup brand do you like best?
7. What makeup item do you always use/use most?

I received a decent response, and here is a summary of the results that came from my inferences:

• 2 out of the 17 who responded said they did not wear makeup at all. One simply stated, "I don't wear makeup. Don't have time for it nor do I feel I need it." The other confessed to occasionally using lip gloss, but more often than not just uses ChapStick. Kudos to you, ladies!
• 8 out of the 15 who do use makeup do so daily. The other 7 use it a few times per week, for work, when going out, or depending on the occasion. Minimalists will kick it up a notch for a special occasion or event, adding bolder eye liner or eye shadow.
• The primary reason most women wear makeup is to cover blemishes or "correct" what happens to be less flattering that day. Essentially, they use it to cover problem areas. Half of those polled used foundation regularly. Similarly, concealer ranked high on the list of frequent uses. 

• The one feature that seemed to get the most attention from makeup is the eyes. All but 2 of the 15 usually do something with their eyes, which ranges from just mascara to a combination of eye liner, eye shadow, and mascara. 
• The other main reason given for makeup application is to enhance one's features. Some wear makeup to make themselves appear more "awake" or "alive." Others are looking to make their self-described understated features more "dramatic," for instance drawing attention to smaller eyes to make them seem a bit more bold. One specifically stated that she uses makeup to "enhance my natural beauty." Another remarked that it is simply fun to play with colors as they compliment her natural features and/or outfit.

• Lips seemingly get great care. There were not a lot of responders who use lipstick; however, most use ChapStick, lip balm, and/or lip gloss. 
• Mascara was another beloved product by 13 out of the 15 who wear makeup.
• No one was really a purist. Most everyone used an array of products from different brands. Sure, there were a few that were marked as favorites by their users, but as expected, CoverGirl, Maybelline, Clinique, and Urban Decay appeared semi-frequently. Others mentioned were Almay, Mary Kay, Garden Botanika, Lancome, Coastal Scents, Victoria's Secret, Too Faced, Stila, Exuviance by Ulta, and Bare Minerals.

It was interesting to read through all of the responses. I enjoyed everyone's take on the questions. Yet, no one ever had the opportunity to read my answers, so here they are:

1. Do you wear makeup? Yes
2. How often? Not often during the work week. Usually, I do wear it on the weekends.
3. If infrequently, what prompts you to put it on? (Special occasion, going out, etc.) See #5
4. What do you wear for makeup? (the works - primer, foundation, eye liner, eye shadow, mascara, blush, and lip color; or just ____; or a combo of a few things, but not all). My go-to's are eye liner, eye shadow, and mascara. Depending on how my skin appears that day, I may wear CoverGirl's mineral foundation. I don't use foundation more than I do; I was blessed with pretty nice skin, so I don't feel that I require much there. The one feature I dislike is my dark under eyes. I don't generally get bags under my eyes, but they are always rather dark and appear darker if I happen to be sick. Thus, I use concealer to help rectify this. I am a frequent ChapStick user, but sometimes add some color. I own exactly one lipstick, but a few glosses.  
5.     Why do you wear it? (both practically and "impractically" speaking) I have a quick answer, and a bit more explained one. In short, I wear makeup to enhance my favorite features - my eyes. And, I find it fun to use different combinations of products and colors to do so. Now, delving a bit deeper, because my job is highly active and I'm an athletically built individual, I feel as if there is a more girly side of me that people do not always see. Usually, they see the beast of a woman who pushes equipment around all day and holds a 3rd degree black belt. I love that side of me! I do. I am strong both mentally and physically. But I have a softer, more feminine side, too. I sometimes feel as if when I am able to don "real people clothes" and a little bit of makeup, my "alter-ego" appears - the woman who can still kick butt but look amazingly stunning as well. Metaphorically speaking, I am akin to Xena, the warrior princess.Nnote that following the "warrior," she is still a princess, so don't forget that about me, either. :)  
6. What makeup brand do you like best? Most of the products in my makeup bag are CoverGirl. Avon also has some great eye shadows and eye liners. 
7. What makeup item do you always use/use most? ChapStick daily. Eye liner, eye shadow, and mascara. 

Whatever the reason to use or not use makeup, I hope that all women can ultimately be able to look in the mirror and love what they see, both inside and out. Sure, there is always room for improvement (talking more about the inside here), but you are who are you, unique and one of a kind. You are spectacular because there is no one else like you on the planet. The more you are able to love yourself for who you are, the more others around you will too because self-confidence is beautiful in and of itself (not to mention highly attractive to members of the opposite sex). The key to great fashion and makeup application is to work with what your momma gave ya, and I think that all of the ladies who responded to my poll are doing just that. Thank you again, ladies, and keep it up!

A Mother's Perspective

I received this post in the mail today. No, not my e-mail, my steel mailbox. It is written by my mother, Judy, who had me laughing out loud as I read. My mother has always been an amazing and fantastic writer; I get my writing genes from her. So, when I received her letter I raced to blogger to share it with you all. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

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My mother's post comes as a rebuttal to an article she read in her local newspaper that had been scooped up from the St. Petersburg Times. Written by Susan Thurston, it goes as follows:
 

Good moms are kind, patient -- and fashionable

Good moms are known for being kind, nurturing and patient. But fashionable? Not so much. Some days, just getting out of the house with matching socks can seem like an accomplishment. But a little planning and attention to details can go a long ways in preparing you for the stylish, adult world. 

Here are some of my fashion tips for looking good or, at least, presentable.

Limit gym clothes to the gym. Sure, sporting sweats and a T-shirt around Target is comfortable, but it's also frumpy and screams mom. If you must, trade the T-shirt for something form-fitting with a lower neckline and couple it with a zip-up jacket. Save the XL "2004 Walk Against Alzheimer's'' T-shirt for when you have a headache and aren't in the mood for you-know-what.

Lose the baseball cap. While Faith Hill looks sexy strutting around with her three daughters in a ball cap, the majority of us don't. Your greasy hair isn't really that noticeable, especially from a distance. And if you're really concerned about your mange-y mane, try a ponytail with a headband or big sunglasses.

Accessorize. Spruce up outfits with scarves, belts and jewelry. (Wedding bands and diamond studs earrings you got for high school graduation don't count.) Don't leave the house without cute earrings, even if it means no time for mascara. Accessories are cheap and interchangeable. And they always fit.

Avoid high-maintenance clothes. That silk blouse looks great fresh from the dry cleaners but goes downhill fast. And who has time to iron? Rather than banish wrinkly clothes to the Siberia of your closet, buy stuff that looks good after multiple wearings.

Ditch the mom jeans. If your jeans cover your belly button, call a sitter and get to the store. Quick. Because, let's face it. If Jessica Simpson looks bad in mom jeans, so will the rest of us.

Go for some heel. Nothing says frumpy like a dirty pair of sneakers or banged-up Aerosoles. A little heel dresses up any outfit and adds confidence to your step.

Mimic good style. Grab a People magazine when the kids are asleep and take some fashion tips from the celebs. Even if you can't dress like the stars, at least you'll know not to wear that peasant skirt in your closet.

Invest in a few good pieces. We all wish the sales clerks at Nordstrom's knew us by name, but who has the budget? Instead, spend a little extra on clothes you wear a lot — jeans, slacks and jackets — and go cheap on the trendy stuff, which won't last many fashion cycles anyway. Be cautious about buying too much at Target and Walmart and don't pooh-pooh places like JCPenney and even Sears, which have decent quality clothes and great sales.

My mother's rebuttal, entitled:

 I AM NOT FRUMPY!!

First, let me say I am not a follower of fashion. No one would call me a fashionista. When I read the above article, I found the writer left out those of us who consider ourselves trailblazers of our "own" fashions. To Ms. Thurston, I would admonish -- "Never judge a women by her lack of apparent apparel judgment." There may be more to it than meets the eye.

First: There are plenty of moms who would like to be fashionable, but when Baby spits up all over your $200 silk blouse - your day and blouse are ruined. I do agree with Ms. Thurston's observation, "some days, just getting out of the house with matching socks can seem like an accomplishment." To that I say, "It is!" To some of us, just bending over to put on socks is an accomplishment. So I applaud any women wearing socks - matched or otherwise. I suppose the "planning and attention to detail" idea is a good one, but to those of us who wear the same thing every day (jeans & t-shirts), our stress level is low. There is no need to think about detail other than "What color shirt do I wear today?" I can be dressed and out the door in 15 minutes, no fuss, no muss.

Concerning the fashion tips:

Limit gym clothes to the gym. How can something comfortable be frumpy? Now granted, it is not a pretty sight if the t-shirt and sweatpants are soaked in sweat, but maybe "Mom" had to stop at Target to pick up infant Tylenol for her sniffling, fevered child after gym class. Obviously, Ms. Thurston has never worn an 18 hour girdle or jammed herself into one of those body contour things to be thin and svelte. Maybe the "Mom" was heading for the contortion girdle aisle because her gym classes weren't producing the desired effects. And what's wrong with the XL "2004 Walk Against Alzheimer's" T-shirt? It shows others you may not embrace fashion but you do have a commitment to something worthwhile. I say, "Wear your Alzheimer's shirt proudly." Did I put on socks this morning?

Lose the baseball cap. What!? I don't wear baseball caps to cover my greasy, mangy hair. I wouldn't want to mess them up. I wear them because they are great alternatives to wearing a headband or sunglasses. In a hurry, just plop the ball cap on your head, pull your hair through the hole in the back, and off you go. If the sun is in your eyes, pull the brim of your cap down low (over your eyebrows) for protection from UV rays or a sinister lurking character glancing at your socks. After looking at my baseball cap collection (of 3), I realize none promote baseball - just death and alternative housing. Hmmm! My ball cap advertising is a bit gloomy; Rock of Ages Memorials, Knock 'em Dead (from a local funeral home) and Yellowstone Log Homes. How can I accessorize my ball caps if not wearing black?

Accessorize. Cute earrings?! What are cute earrings? Am I allowed to wear mismatched cute earrings to utilize the onesies in my jewelry box? And what about those of us without pierced ears? We have to "clamp" our cute earrings on our earlobes and hope they stay on. Have you ever had one fall off, down the front of your dress while teaching a class? It is an example of contortionism watching Teacher fish it out!

Avoid high-maintenance clothes. "And who has time to iron?" Extreme Ironers do! They will iron clothes - anything, anywhere.

Ditch the Mom Jeans. This point is where I become indignant! First, I am too old to look like Jessica Simpson nor do I care to look like her. And why wouldn't my jeans cover my belly button? My underwear does! See, when you get older it goes like this: one old belly button (possibly flabby) - one underwear that goes over the old flabby belly button - one pair of "relaxed" jeans that covers all of the one underwear that goes over the flabby belly button. I have no need to call a sitter. My children are all old enough now to make their own belly button decisions.

Go for some heel. What's wrong with my dirty pair of sneakers? They are badges of my hard work. When I see a woman with dirty sneakers I know she has spent the day chasing Johnny down the street pedaling his trike in his underwear, mowed the lawn (alas the green stains), juggled 3 bags of groceries while trying to rummage through her purse for the house key, had lemonade spilled on them (alas the yellow, sticky stain), and finished her day by throwing them in the dryer. Could high heels do so much? I am past high heels. I would love to wear them but practicality has set in. When your feet start sprouting bunions and your ankles wobble, the last thing you want to be supported by is tight leather on stilts.

Mimic good style. What's the matter with peasant skirts? I like peasant skirts! They are light, airy, and cover a multitude of "summer annoyances." I could wear something cool and comfortable like summer shorts, but then you would be subjected to viewing my purple varicose veins, knobby knees, and (perish the thought) unshaven legs. Broom skirts are even better because they can be wrinkled and still look good. The one drawback to peasant and broom skirts is that they can make you look quite "hippie" if you are one who carries some extra girth below that "old belly button."

Invest in a few good pieces. When discussing this aspect with Dad, his comment was, "Well cut back on Snapfish and you can afford to buy a few pieces." [My mother is an avid photographer]. Men don't have a "sense" of fashion, all they see are dollars and "cents." In defense of Target [she worked there], they did try to incorporate name designers into their wardrobe selection, Isaac Mizrahi for one. Haven't heard from him of late (not that we are on speaking terms). Where are you Isaac? At least I know Target fills all my wardrobe needs - jeans, t-shirts, and socks!

So to the fashion world I would advise "don't pooh-pooh" the seemingly fashion-less. I am comfortable. I AM NOT FRUMPY!

My Beloved Mother

Last Week In Review

This past week treated me pretty well in almost all areas. Key word in that sentence, however, is almost. Interestingly enough, the one area that would have been graded with a "Needs for Improvement" mark was my diet. I arrived at Saturday realizing that in the four days prior, dinner consisted of either restaurant or take-out food. By then, my body was screaming at me to get back to my more healthier ways.

Whenever I go out, I do my best to "behave," knowing that restaurant fare has a lot of extras attached to it even if you opt for the "guiltless" or grilled options. I try to portion control as helpings are often too big to justify consuming in one sitting, and I am unafraid to substitute vegetables for french fries or a baked potato in the place of mashed. Not always though, mind you. I enjoy french fries as much as the next person; I just don't always have a hankering for them. So when I don't, I pass. When I do, I gobble them up! :)

What bothered me about my lack of home cooked foods was not so much in the potential calorie or fat content, it was that I knew my body was not getting the best nutritional value from the foods I had chosen to eat. I was not agonizing over this turn of events; simpley, i was eager to regain control of what I was putting in my mouth. So, Saturday night I broke the evil spell I was under and made burritos with ground turkey (instead of beef), saffron rice, red & green peppers, chick peas, re-fried beans, onions, and shredded cheese. They were delicious!

Yesterday, I was still bent on continuing with my healthy food rampage, which was quickly confronted with a potential upset. We were invited over to our pastor's house to fellowship with some old friends and fellow church members, and the meal option of choice was...pizza! Now, pizza is certainly not a terrible food choice. It was just not what I was hoping for. However, upon arrival, I breathed a sigh of relief when among the pepperoni, cheese, and sausage, there was a salad pizza. I had never tried salad pizza; it was pretty good and chocked full of greens. I was a happy camper.

The week will continue with more conscious effort (a little goes a long way). I have determined the "menu" for Jon and I for the next few days. I'll be using 2 recipes from Rocco Dispirito's book, Now Eat This! - a Philly cheese steak recipe for tonight and turkey bolognese over noodles for Wednesday. I'm excited! And I highly recommend this cookbook. It slashes the usual calorie and fat content associated with some of "America's favorite comfort foods" and presents them with an easy to make recipe. I've had good success with any of the recipes I have tried from here.

In terms of exercise this week, I logged 4 sessions of Zumba, 3 20-minute ones and one 45-minute. I love the fact that I can do a simple 20-minute dance workout, work up a good sweat, and just get my body moving without having to spend a ridiculous amount of time. It's like my Wii Balance Board tells me often enough on Wii Fit Plus, "...even 5 minutes a day can make a difference." I am thankful for expedient workouts.

In the fashion realm, I scored off the charts this week. My mother-in-law and I went to Dress Barn Saturday armed with a coupon to save 25% off on items already reduced at least 50% or more. We are bargain shoppers, so there was little discussion when this invitation to savings arrived in the mail. We spent an hour or so looking through all of the racks of discounted merchandise. I was having a little trouble finding anything that was really striking me until I decided to put on a brave face and try some things that had caught my eye but was uncertain how they would look on me. I grabbed about 6 items and headed for the dressing room. I ended up buying 3 things.

My mother-in-law chose two simple but pretty tops for work. Here's where it gets good.  Before we had even applied the extra 25%, we had already saved over $104 on the 6 items we were buying. The coupon knocked off another $17 off the price dropping our total to $52.50 and a grand total savings of $121. We left Dress Barn beaming!! How 'bout them apples!?

So like I said, this past week ended very well for me, and I have high hopes for this one. For now, I'm off to do some yoga. Best of luck to you in the week ahead and feel free to share any recent highlights from the various areas of your life! I'd love to hear about 'em!

Hanging With The Big Kids

Breaking news for me in the health and fitness field!!!! Barring any natural disasters or unplanned, earth shattering events, I will be getting my Zumba Instructor Certification by the end of February. I cannot even begin to tell you how much this excites me. It is a dream becoming realized.

So on Tuesday, I figured it best that I take my Zumba "expertise" (I use that term incredibly loosely) away from the front of my TV and actually take a group Zumba class at my local gym. Having gotten several different moves down through the use of the Zumba Fitness Wii game, I felt up to the task, yet not knowing who the instructor was, let alone what steps he/she would decide to take us through, I was a bit nervous. At any rate, I knew I was in for a fast paced, high energy, shake my whammy fanny good time.

Those who were already on the floor when I got there would probably have never guessed that I was a bit nervous; I stepped into the group aerobics room like I owned the place. Yeah! I intentionally arrived a little early so I could warm up and stretch. But before too long, the instructor appeared - a petite lady who had some sort of Spanish influencing her ethnicity, not to mention calf muscles and deltoids to die for! The class began...

Thankfully, she started with moves I knew from the video game, which helped me get right into things, and before long we were shakin and dancing to the beat (which at certain points during rather fact paced songs made me feel like a seizure was imminent).  :)

I was blown away by someone's Grandma who was in the thick of it. Granted, she wasn't swaying her hips quite as quickly as the 20-somethings in the room, but she hung right in there (and then stayed for a second group class!!!). What a cool lady!

Now in the video game, I've mostly done 20 minute sessions. Last week, I amped it up to 45 minutes. This was a 45 minute class. By 15 minutes in, I was feeling the burn and then some! About 25 minutes in, she slowed our groove down a little bit but kept things going for another 20 minutes. She never stopped smiling. At some points, I think she was enjoying herself more than we were. But I think we were the happier ones when it finally came time to cool down.

It was a blast and a killer workout. I'm excited for next week's class. The instructor said she would be the one to lead during that time slot, so it will be neat to see how/if she changes it up. Surprisingly, I'm not as sore as I thought I was going to be. My body was very tired after the fact; it really is a full body workout.

I am so excited about getting my certification. I have wanted to involve myself in Women's Fitness for a long time, but never really had the opportunity or the proper venue to market a certification if I had one. Time has changed that, and prospects look good. This is going to be such a huge step for me in achieving my utmost desires and goals.

Hurray for ZUMBA!!!!